So I did something incredibly stupid today. I have been following the Olympics diligently and the sight of all the athletes and their mom's crying and cheering them on from the stands got to me. So I got all mushy and called home like an idiot. I haven't spoken to my dad for 6 months now and I haven't seen my parents for over 2 years.
I do not have any regrets on that score. I've taken enough abuse in this lifetime and do not need more of it.
But seeing that unabashed emotion from all the cheering families made me emotional.
It made me remember the good times with my brother before he turned to alcohol. It made me long for simplicity and silly dreams which we never had.
Moments like these keep the hope alive that the world might be a good place ..sometimes!
And why I bother to come and write all my gibberish here I do not know...maybe it is just chicken soup for a tired heart

I read a lot of blogs today...somehow in someway it helps..reading about others..nameless people who go through life with their fair share of sorrow and joy..pain and hope.
I am feeling bogged down..working days studying nights...and when you want to relax and switch on the television its worse.
Nine people are being stoned to death in Iran for adultery. I wonder what they are going through as they await their fate? How can life be so unfair...and it beats me how anyone can justify this barbarism in the name of religion.Apparently the family members, sometimes children are compelled to watch this heinous act.
Why do these things happen?


I was reading a blog today...it said if you could ask one question what would it be
Mine would be ..Who am I?
Who is this person...who does what millions of others do..struggle for survival...hope for love...dream of better things..
After all this...I will pass away...euphemisms...pass away to what or where i wonder...
I just feel so weird lately...like everywhere you go..everything you see..its the same..
Everyone is so quick to judge others..condemn...karma...so many words being tossed around..
But what is real?

Woke up to a sobering thought today...if i were to drop dead tomm who would miss me?
I mean really miss me... I have not made a difference in anyone's life. I am nobody important ...the few friends I did have are long gone. Every one wants to be missed. You want to believe that you matter..when you are not around someone would care. But the truth of the matter ,is no matter how much you wish things were different...people move on ..with some like me more easily than most
I read the notebook yesterday. Noah and Allie...Does love that pure truly exist in places other than books and poems? Hm
So lets see other than the obviously depressing thoughts...the one good thing I did do is start exercising...nothing too great just a few laps but it made me feel good about myself. Haven't felt that way in a while. ..

I wish it would stop raining..its been raining incessantly and its starting to drive me nuts. I have to study but cant seem to focus. This is my last chance literally to get things right but my mind refuses to comply. I wish I had someone to study with but so far haven't been able to make a single close friend.I am pathetic that way. No matter how much I tell myself I am way past caring about others or my life...deep inside I know I am just lying to myself.
Have been listening to Sounds of Silence by Simon and Garfunkel over and over again .Wonder why it is that some people are just destined to be alone?

I wish it would stop raining..its been raining incessantly and its starting to drive me nuts. I have to study but cant seem to focus. This is my last chance literally to get things right but my mind refuses to comply. I wish I had someone to study with but so far haven't been able to make a single close friend.I am pathetic that way. No matter how much I tell myself I am way past caring about others or my life...deep inside I know I am just lying to myself.
Have been listening to 'Sound of Silence' by Simon and Garfunkel over and over again .Wonder why it is that some people are just destined to be alone?